Monday, December 12, 2011
from Clare
Hey all! I am finally awake and am so happy to be alive! I dont really remember anything but it's slowly coming back. I am so glad to be home with my dogs and chickens and llamas and can't think ot anywhere i would rather be- i never realized how true the saying "there's no place like home" is. I have been going into my work for physical therapy and blood tests a few times a week. All the memories coming back feel like dreams and it is so frustrating. Thank you to everyone that has helped us! Thank you so much for your support and prayers-we couldn't have done it without you all!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
There's No Place Like Home
Today marks the 102nd day in the hospital....and the last one for Clare!! We've been waiting for this day for so long and she is finally on her way home! Clare has some problems with her memory, but this is one event she has not forgotten. When I walked in today she was picking at her lunch and I asked her if she was going to eat more. She looked up smiled as she said she was saving room for Taco Time and then going home. Anyone that knows Clare well knows she loves those Crisp Bean Burritos :)
As Kris packed up the car, I helped her get ready for the day one last time here at the hospital, we said goodbye to the staff, and she walked out. Clare was beaming! I can't imagine how good it feels to finally be going home.
As my dad and I thought over Kris and Clare's first year of marriage, we decided that they deserve a do-over. The day after they got married Kris went to the police academy and Clare lived part time at my parents' house for a couple months and this accident happened and took up another 3 months....so that being said, let's hear three cheers for the Newlyweds :)
As Kris packed up the car, I helped her get ready for the day one last time here at the hospital, we said goodbye to the staff, and she walked out. Clare was beaming! I can't imagine how good it feels to finally be going home.
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| Kris made sure they both walked out when they were discharged since they were both LifeFlighted in |
As my dad and I thought over Kris and Clare's first year of marriage, we decided that they deserve a do-over. The day after they got married Kris went to the police academy and Clare lived part time at my parents' house for a couple months and this accident happened and took up another 3 months....so that being said, let's hear three cheers for the Newlyweds :)
As excited as we are for Clare to reach this new milestone and start recovering at home, she does have a lot of challenges ahead of her. As Kris is working, Clare will need lots of help from her loved ones who can stay with her as he works his graveyard shifts until she can take care of herself on her own. Over these next few weeks and months, it would be helpful to know what resources we have to help with this. How blessed we have been to have such supportive family and friends. As always, thank you for all your love and prayers.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Pendulum Swings
This week marked 12 weeks since Clare's pelvic surgery, and the golden day that Clare could start putting weight on that right leg. On November 23, she was able to walk with a walker. I have to say that Clare really is a trooper. Three months of non-use of the right leg has taken a toll, but Clare is really determined to use that walker all she can to get strong again.
On Thanksgiving, the hospital issued a day pass (for use in Utah County only) and nine of our family had our feast in Bethany (Clare's sister) and Jed's tiny student apartment. It was good food and good company and the limited space did not matter at all. Clare dressed up in her new jeans and walked into the apartment. We all were able to express our thoughts of thanks and to laugh and visit with each other. I have to warn you that with as much time as we have all spent in the hospital, there is more bathroom humor than regular. We were able to laugh and relax which was good for us all. Clare seemed to want the day to continue, and was reluctant to return to the hospital.
What's next? Theplan is that Clare could be released from the hospital this week and will move back to Meadow. She will continue to need 24 hour care. She is still an extreme fall risk, and will need assistance in moving from one room to another, as well as standing and sitting, bathing and dressing. She still has issues with short term memory, so she will not be able do anything unassisted for a while yet.
Emotionally Clare has experienced some real high and lows. She had a few days of break-through on her memory when she was asking everyone to quiz her…and amazing us with her recall both short term and long term. The last couple of days she has been in some sort of funk, and looks to others for the answers to questions. She has been down and somewhat withdrawn. I am not sure what is causing this. One day she did voice a concern to me about not being able to take care of her self.
As Clare returns to her home in Meadow, we will rely heavily on the assistance of friends in the Meadow and Fillmore area. I am hoping to meet the amazing people that have reached out with help and prayers to this young couple. If friends and family in northern Utah would like to see her before she moves back to Meadow…her release date could be as early as November 30.
At this Thanksgiving season, I am truly grateful that Clare and Kris' lives have been preserved. I do acknowledge a loving Heavenly Father who has provided many miracles for our family in the last three months. I have a hope that both Kris and Clare will recover completely--that is after all we can do. I have a faith that our Savior will help us through these hard things that are still ahead of us. He will be there for us as we allow him into our lives. He can heal all that is broken both in our bodies and in our hearts, and will give us the strength to endure.
God Bless you all! Please keep the prayers coming, specifically for Clare to be able to stay positive. I would so like to see her manifest her determined spirit.
On Thanksgiving, the hospital issued a day pass (for use in Utah County only) and nine of our family had our feast in Bethany (Clare's sister) and Jed's tiny student apartment. It was good food and good company and the limited space did not matter at all. Clare dressed up in her new jeans and walked into the apartment. We all were able to express our thoughts of thanks and to laugh and visit with each other. I have to warn you that with as much time as we have all spent in the hospital, there is more bathroom humor than regular. We were able to laugh and relax which was good for us all. Clare seemed to want the day to continue, and was reluctant to return to the hospital.
What's next? Theplan is that Clare could be released from the hospital this week and will move back to Meadow. She will continue to need 24 hour care. She is still an extreme fall risk, and will need assistance in moving from one room to another, as well as standing and sitting, bathing and dressing. She still has issues with short term memory, so she will not be able do anything unassisted for a while yet.
Emotionally Clare has experienced some real high and lows. She had a few days of break-through on her memory when she was asking everyone to quiz her…and amazing us with her recall both short term and long term. The last couple of days she has been in some sort of funk, and looks to others for the answers to questions. She has been down and somewhat withdrawn. I am not sure what is causing this. One day she did voice a concern to me about not being able to take care of her self.
As Clare returns to her home in Meadow, we will rely heavily on the assistance of friends in the Meadow and Fillmore area. I am hoping to meet the amazing people that have reached out with help and prayers to this young couple. If friends and family in northern Utah would like to see her before she moves back to Meadow…her release date could be as early as November 30.
At this Thanksgiving season, I am truly grateful that Clare and Kris' lives have been preserved. I do acknowledge a loving Heavenly Father who has provided many miracles for our family in the last three months. I have a hope that both Kris and Clare will recover completely--that is after all we can do. I have a faith that our Savior will help us through these hard things that are still ahead of us. He will be there for us as we allow him into our lives. He can heal all that is broken both in our bodies and in our hearts, and will give us the strength to endure.
God Bless you all! Please keep the prayers coming, specifically for Clare to be able to stay positive. I would so like to see her manifest her determined spirit.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Meta-memory
Last night was a very good night for Clare. When I arrived at the hospital, Bethany and Clare were doing crafts making a Thanksgiving Turkey centerpiece out in the group eating area. Clare traced her own hand on paper and we cut out the "tail feathers." During therapy Clare was very responsive and we had fun playing catch with a ball and kicking the ball.. she was trying to hit me in the head. She laughed many times. At dinner, another couple joined us. He was bucked off a horse and is working through short term memory loss much like Clare but not as severe as hers is. We had an interactive dinner and he asked Clare questions and she answered. It was probably the most natural I have seen Clare talk with people in a long time. After dinner we sat and talked for another 4 hours. We had the TV on and our conversations went in and out but not having a TV on creates a lot of empty pauses between times when we talk. Football was a good background distraction because neither of us were really interested in the game but it was good to watch a play and then talk and then watch a play. We also went through all of her pictures and talked over many many memories.
When Clare was getting back from a potty break I said to Clare, "You do remember, you just have a hard time remembering that you remember." Clare then said, "Is it my meta-memory?" I was dumbfounded! The first time I heard that term was earlier that day in speech therapy. Clare remembered this medical term that her speech therapist used to describe her trouble with short term memory. Clare became quite pleased with herself and that she remembered. Then she began saying, "I remember, I remember everything, ask me questions, I remember." The nurse was still in the room and I asked her all the standard questions that she gets mostly right. This time she got them all right and not just kind of answered them, but used very complete descriptions. "I am in Provo at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center." "I was married at the River Oaks Golf Course." Stuff like that.
I was going to leave around 8:30pm, but Clare became alert and wanted her memory tested more. We sat and talked for another hour and a half. She asked me to write all of this in her memory book so she would remember tomorrow. We called Kris and Clare talked to him and excitedly told him she was remembering. It was a fun night. I hope she can have more and more good days like this. I believe part of the solution is getting her up and around and active for long periods of time. Tomorrow they are suppose to start letting her put weight on her right leg and we hope this added mobility will also improve her mental progress. It is too bad the weather has turned. Taking walks would probably do her a world of good. Maybe she can get a key to their church and walk circles with the sisters in her ward.
Kris was able to talk with the social worker and get a day pass for Clare on Thanksgiving. We will be going to Bethany and Jed's apartment just a couple of blocks from the hospital. It will be a small and crowded Thanksgiving, but we would not have it any other way. Clare is very excited to be able to leave the hospital for a day.
As I was getting ready to leave, I asked the PCT to come in. I told her Clare was in a talkative mood and to talk with her. The PCT said "Ok Clare tell me your life story." Clare said, "I don't know where to begin." I said, "Where were you born" and Clare said, "Bountiful." The PCT said "I was born in Kaysville," to which Clare said, "I have a friend from Kaysville. Do you know Austin _____?" and the assistant said he was a very good friend of hers and they went to high school together, he just got off his mission and how did Clare know him. They were talking about high school and boys when I left.
The timetable for Clare's next move may be November 30th, that will give them one week to work on walking with her (less Thanksgiving and Sunday.) The doctors and insurance can make a change to this at any time so it could be earlier than this or later if she is making progress and they think staying longer will make a significant difference. As we have learned from past experience, we should get at least a few hours notice. Kris has been working hard getting their home ready for Clare's return.
When Clare was getting back from a potty break I said to Clare, "You do remember, you just have a hard time remembering that you remember." Clare then said, "Is it my meta-memory?" I was dumbfounded! The first time I heard that term was earlier that day in speech therapy. Clare remembered this medical term that her speech therapist used to describe her trouble with short term memory. Clare became quite pleased with herself and that she remembered. Then she began saying, "I remember, I remember everything, ask me questions, I remember." The nurse was still in the room and I asked her all the standard questions that she gets mostly right. This time she got them all right and not just kind of answered them, but used very complete descriptions. "I am in Provo at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center." "I was married at the River Oaks Golf Course." Stuff like that.
I was going to leave around 8:30pm, but Clare became alert and wanted her memory tested more. We sat and talked for another hour and a half. She asked me to write all of this in her memory book so she would remember tomorrow. We called Kris and Clare talked to him and excitedly told him she was remembering. It was a fun night. I hope she can have more and more good days like this. I believe part of the solution is getting her up and around and active for long periods of time. Tomorrow they are suppose to start letting her put weight on her right leg and we hope this added mobility will also improve her mental progress. It is too bad the weather has turned. Taking walks would probably do her a world of good. Maybe she can get a key to their church and walk circles with the sisters in her ward.
Kris was able to talk with the social worker and get a day pass for Clare on Thanksgiving. We will be going to Bethany and Jed's apartment just a couple of blocks from the hospital. It will be a small and crowded Thanksgiving, but we would not have it any other way. Clare is very excited to be able to leave the hospital for a day.
As I was getting ready to leave, I asked the PCT to come in. I told her Clare was in a talkative mood and to talk with her. The PCT said "Ok Clare tell me your life story." Clare said, "I don't know where to begin." I said, "Where were you born" and Clare said, "Bountiful." The PCT said "I was born in Kaysville," to which Clare said, "I have a friend from Kaysville. Do you know Austin _____?" and the assistant said he was a very good friend of hers and they went to high school together, he just got off his mission and how did Clare know him. They were talking about high school and boys when I left.
The timetable for Clare's next move may be November 30th, that will give them one week to work on walking with her (less Thanksgiving and Sunday.) The doctors and insurance can make a change to this at any time so it could be earlier than this or later if she is making progress and they think staying longer will make a significant difference. As we have learned from past experience, we should get at least a few hours notice. Kris has been working hard getting their home ready for Clare's return.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
13 Weeks
It has been 13 weeks since Kris and Clare had the accident. We have come so far. Kris is back at work and continuing therapy for his shoulder. Clare continues to make improvement every day. We are very encouraged with her progress and know that her determined personality and a lot of therapy is what is going to make the difference.
I had a friend of mine tell me of a Nightline episode that I missed recently that talks about how the brain can mend and how the right kind of therapy can make it happen.
http://abcnews.go.com/watch/nightline/SH5584743/VD55153185/nightline-1114-gabby-giffords-speaks-for-first-time
Although Clare's brain injury is different from Senator Giffords, the difficult path back has similarities. She still needs all of your prayers and kind thoughts.
I had a friend of mine tell me of a Nightline episode that I missed recently that talks about how the brain can mend and how the right kind of therapy can make it happen.
http://abcnews.go.com/watch/nightline/SH5584743/VD55153185/nightline-1114-gabby-giffords-speaks-for-first-time
Although Clare's brain injury is different from Senator Giffords, the difficult path back has similarities. She still needs all of your prayers and kind thoughts.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Eleven down one to go.
I just got back from spending the evening with Clare. When I got to the hospital, Nathan was there helping Clare eat dinner. She ate just about the best I have seen her eat. She also talked with us non-stop for several hours. Clare has a lot of questions which we did our best to answer. She wanted to know about her injuries, Kris's injuries, and kept asking if anyone had been to see her. I told her of the many people that had come to visit her over the last 13 weeks and some of the things they had said. Many of her memories that she can now recall are within the last week or two and she is trying to recreate the big memory gap that she now realizes she has. It bothers her. She is creating more and more bits and pieces of memory that is helping her know what is going on.
Today she answered correctly what city she was in. That question has frequently stumped her. Today she said, "I tell them I am in Fillmore but I am in Provo." Her fine motor skills are improving and I can make out many of the letters in her signature. Today is 11 weeks since her pelvis was set back into place. One more week and she will be allowed to put pressure on her right leg. I really want to see how much strength she has in her right side and what she can do once the restrictions are lifted.
We are hopeful that Clare has progressed enough that we can get a day pass to bring her home for Thanksgiving. If she is allowed to leave, we will have a small Thanksgiving dinner at home and then take her back to the hospital. We hope we can do this and it will also give us a real good idea of what to prepare for when she is eventually released from the hospital. We think she can do it, but we really don't know what her true condition is away from the structured world that she has lived in for so long.
Today she answered correctly what city she was in. That question has frequently stumped her. Today she said, "I tell them I am in Fillmore but I am in Provo." Her fine motor skills are improving and I can make out many of the letters in her signature. Today is 11 weeks since her pelvis was set back into place. One more week and she will be allowed to put pressure on her right leg. I really want to see how much strength she has in her right side and what she can do once the restrictions are lifted.
We are hopeful that Clare has progressed enough that we can get a day pass to bring her home for Thanksgiving. If she is allowed to leave, we will have a small Thanksgiving dinner at home and then take her back to the hospital. We hope we can do this and it will also give us a real good idea of what to prepare for when she is eventually released from the hospital. We think she can do it, but we really don't know what her true condition is away from the structured world that she has lived in for so long.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
CAPTAIN AMERICA
I have had several people mention that they know the blog is filtered and that we share mostly the positive things that are happening. This is very intentional. We look for and try to see every positive thing that happens and give thanks where it is due so more good things will come. That is what keeps us going. This experience has helped our family see the good and positive things that are all around us. We feel very blessed and having this positive attitude I believe has helped us increase our faith. Faith is a healing power and it is shared by people of all faiths. It would have been so easy to document all of the negative things . On any given day I could have made a list of 100 things that Clare or Kris could not do or things that are not working properly. Dwelling on things that are going wrong, and especially documenting negative things destroys faith. This is what I believe.
We have tried to put just enough reality into the blog so that people know where we are. Clare still has a long way to go. I re-read all of the entries and comments from the start of this blog today and it surprised me how far we have come. I have become so focused on today and where we are and need to go that I really forgot where we had been. I can tell you exactly how Clare’s therapy went last time I was with her or how she ate or how her cognitive functions are working. I have a clear understanding of exactly where we are today. I guess that the past is something that I do not want to think about right now. It still hurts.
We have chosen not to post pictures unless they are happy pictures that Clare would approve of. Yesterday for occupational therapy, they took Clare and Kris out to the movies! They saw Captain America in a movie theatre and Clare handled it pretty well. (Kris did too but we all knew he could handle it.) Here is a picture from their outing.
Clare still improves daily and we hope she can stay in this inpatient rehab center until she can walk on her own. We are probably within a couple of weeks of moving again. Clare has made so much progress with a structured therapy schedule 6 days a week. I do not want her to backslide and lose any ground because she does not qualify for a high level of care anymore. Our society seems to have a way of helping those that are in the bottom 5% to get them up to 6% so they can wash their hands of the problem. We saw this with our twins when they needed speech therapy. When they tested below the 5 percentile there were programs to help them. When they progressed into the bottom 10 percentile then they would not help them anymore. This was just when they needed it the most to keep their progress going. I fear this is going to happen to Clare. She has come so far and now that she will be allowed to stand and attempt to take a step, she may no longer qualify for inpatient therapy.
To end on a positive thought, Bethany handed Clare her guitar this week and Clare strummed a C cord. You can see it in the picture below. Everyday there is something really miraculous going on. It is so much fun to witness it.
We have tried to put just enough reality into the blog so that people know where we are. Clare still has a long way to go. I re-read all of the entries and comments from the start of this blog today and it surprised me how far we have come. I have become so focused on today and where we are and need to go that I really forgot where we had been. I can tell you exactly how Clare’s therapy went last time I was with her or how she ate or how her cognitive functions are working. I have a clear understanding of exactly where we are today. I guess that the past is something that I do not want to think about right now. It still hurts.
We have chosen not to post pictures unless they are happy pictures that Clare would approve of. Yesterday for occupational therapy, they took Clare and Kris out to the movies! They saw Captain America in a movie theatre and Clare handled it pretty well. (Kris did too but we all knew he could handle it.) Here is a picture from their outing.
Clare still improves daily and we hope she can stay in this inpatient rehab center until she can walk on her own. We are probably within a couple of weeks of moving again. Clare has made so much progress with a structured therapy schedule 6 days a week. I do not want her to backslide and lose any ground because she does not qualify for a high level of care anymore. Our society seems to have a way of helping those that are in the bottom 5% to get them up to 6% so they can wash their hands of the problem. We saw this with our twins when they needed speech therapy. When they tested below the 5 percentile there were programs to help them. When they progressed into the bottom 10 percentile then they would not help them anymore. This was just when they needed it the most to keep their progress going. I fear this is going to happen to Clare. She has come so far and now that she will be allowed to stand and attempt to take a step, she may no longer qualify for inpatient therapy.
To end on a positive thought, Bethany handed Clare her guitar this week and Clare strummed a C cord. You can see it in the picture below. Everyday there is something really miraculous going on. It is so much fun to witness it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Eat and Work Out
Clare continues to make small progress just because time keeps moving along. For her to make better progress, she needs to eat and to be more determined to work hard at therapy even if she doesn't feel like doing it. One thing Clare is battling right now is occasional apathy. It is easy for her to just shrug her shoulders and say, "I don't know" or "I don't remember" and not have to do any more work. Many things are confusing to her and she is living in a dream world as her level of consciousness rises.
Tonight at dinner she talked very well and she was very alert. I felt encouraged about how she looked. I then learned that she skipped therapy this afternoon because she didn't feel like going. Part of me wanted to say that she doesn't have the authority to refuse therapy. I wondered why they didn't make her go. Those of you that know Clare know that she can be very determined when she wants to be. You can't win an argument with a 3 year old even if you are correct. Arguing with a 21 year old that has the short term memory of a 3 year old is also difficult. Not impossible, but it is difficult.
Clare needs to eat more and to be more motivated to go to therapy. If these two things would happen consistently then great things would happen. Please keep her in your prayers.
Tonight at dinner she talked very well and she was very alert. I felt encouraged about how she looked. I then learned that she skipped therapy this afternoon because she didn't feel like going. Part of me wanted to say that she doesn't have the authority to refuse therapy. I wondered why they didn't make her go. Those of you that know Clare know that she can be very determined when she wants to be. You can't win an argument with a 3 year old even if you are correct. Arguing with a 21 year old that has the short term memory of a 3 year old is also difficult. Not impossible, but it is difficult.
Clare needs to eat more and to be more motivated to go to therapy. If these two things would happen consistently then great things would happen. Please keep her in your prayers.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Princess
I had a request to post a picture of Clare in her Halloween costume. She was a princess in her prom dress from high school and we did her makeup all glittery/silvery. She was pretty happy with the way it turned out.
I sure wish I would have gotten a better picture, but how was I to know she would want to shower and get in her pajamas 20 minutes after we finished getting her ready? No amount of bribing and trying to talk her into keeping it on until Kris and our family came could convince her...
Guess we'll have to do it again another time
Everyone is starting "Thankful" blogs for the month of November. Even though I won't keep up on it, I want to say that I am so thankful for the support of family and friends for Clare. I am thankful for her amazing recovery. I am thankful for her sense of humor that is coming back. I am thankful for her big smiles when loved ones come in the room.
There are so many things I take for granted, but I count these blessings every day.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Life is but a dream.
Yesterday was not a particularly good day for Clare. She would not talk for much of the morning and looked sad. After Kris got with her she improved but overall she has a somber and quite attitude. Bethany and I got there just after dinner and Kris left to be with his family in Salt Lake.
It is common for people with brain injury, including strokes, to become fixated on subjects and to keep bringing them up over and over. We have been told to “re-direct” and get her on something different. Last night she kept saying, “Everything is a bad dream,” “Everything is a bad memory,” and we would re-direct and get her talking about something else. We tried to watch a movie to get her mind on something else, but she said she was confused and said , ”I want to talk.” Again we explained many things over and over for her. The accident, the hospital, her therapy, how Kris is, her home, the accident, home, therapy, her wedding, . . . we kept going over and over things and she kept saying they were all, “bad memories.” As I tried to put a spin on things and help her see that most of the things she was bringing up were good memories, she kept saying they were bad and also that everything is a “bad dream.” At one point she looked at me and gave me a look as if to say “you don’t understand” and she said again, “No, I want to talk.” It was a very polite way to tell me to be quiet and then I understood that she did not want to be re-directed and helped to find happy memories, she wanted to talk about her bad dreams.
I let her go on and finally realized what she was saying. She would say “In my dream, I could not walk and was standing between parallel bars.” “In my dream I was lying on a big table and would work out with a machine or weights or stretch.” She told me about all of the therapy she has been having. Then after telling me of each “bad dream” she would look at me and say, “that is a memory isn’t it.” And I would say, “Yes you are remembering and everything is kind of foggy isn’t it.” After doing this for quite some time I realized that her “Bad Dreams” are really foggy memories that feel to her as if they are dreams. As she was able to talk through all of the nurses and PCTs and therapists and visitors that have been in her “dreams,” I was able to tell her that she has memories and that they are not dreams. She seemed to understand more and more as she was able to talk and process what was happening. She just needed me to sit with her and let her talk. Last night I was more of a therapist that sat there and said, “and how does that make you feel?” and let her talk through all of her “bad dreams.” In reality a better description may be that she has foggy or poor memories, but “bad dream” are the words that most accurately describe them for her.
This is a change for Clare. She is creating more and more short-term memories and doing very well. The memories are not clear for her so she calls them bad memories or bad dreams.
Clare’s healing process is very much a roller coaster. Just because she was remembering last night does not mean that she will remember things today. The breakthrough that I experienced with her last night will probably need to be reenacted over and over again. This seems a lot like what we experience with Jonah, our 3 year old son having to remind him what day it is, to remind him of events, and to repeat ideas over and over. Only she is going through the process much faster than a three year old.
It is common for people with brain injury, including strokes, to become fixated on subjects and to keep bringing them up over and over. We have been told to “re-direct” and get her on something different. Last night she kept saying, “Everything is a bad dream,” “Everything is a bad memory,” and we would re-direct and get her talking about something else. We tried to watch a movie to get her mind on something else, but she said she was confused and said , ”I want to talk.” Again we explained many things over and over for her. The accident, the hospital, her therapy, how Kris is, her home, the accident, home, therapy, her wedding, . . . we kept going over and over things and she kept saying they were all, “bad memories.” As I tried to put a spin on things and help her see that most of the things she was bringing up were good memories, she kept saying they were bad and also that everything is a “bad dream.” At one point she looked at me and gave me a look as if to say “you don’t understand” and she said again, “No, I want to talk.” It was a very polite way to tell me to be quiet and then I understood that she did not want to be re-directed and helped to find happy memories, she wanted to talk about her bad dreams.
I let her go on and finally realized what she was saying. She would say “In my dream, I could not walk and was standing between parallel bars.” “In my dream I was lying on a big table and would work out with a machine or weights or stretch.” She told me about all of the therapy she has been having. Then after telling me of each “bad dream” she would look at me and say, “that is a memory isn’t it.” And I would say, “Yes you are remembering and everything is kind of foggy isn’t it.” After doing this for quite some time I realized that her “Bad Dreams” are really foggy memories that feel to her as if they are dreams. As she was able to talk through all of the nurses and PCTs and therapists and visitors that have been in her “dreams,” I was able to tell her that she has memories and that they are not dreams. She seemed to understand more and more as she was able to talk and process what was happening. She just needed me to sit with her and let her talk. Last night I was more of a therapist that sat there and said, “and how does that make you feel?” and let her talk through all of her “bad dreams.” In reality a better description may be that she has foggy or poor memories, but “bad dream” are the words that most accurately describe them for her.
This is a change for Clare. She is creating more and more short-term memories and doing very well. The memories are not clear for her so she calls them bad memories or bad dreams.
Clare’s healing process is very much a roller coaster. Just because she was remembering last night does not mean that she will remember things today. The breakthrough that I experienced with her last night will probably need to be reenacted over and over again. This seems a lot like what we experience with Jonah, our 3 year old son having to remind him what day it is, to remind him of events, and to repeat ideas over and over. Only she is going through the process much faster than a three year old.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Golf Fundraiser Postponed
Due to snow and expected high temperature Saturday in Delta to be 39 degrees, the golf tournament fundraiser is postponed. Stay tuned for more information.
PM Addition: Tonight Clare was spunky and in a mood to kid and poke fun. Her voice had a little more inflection and sounded just a little less robotic. I also noticed dimples! It is these small things every day that make the trip to Utah County bearable. She ate better today than she has in the past so if she can keep that up the feeding tube will be able to come out. We don't know how long she can stay in this inpatient rehab facility, but we hope it can last until after she can put pressure on both legs which is about three weeks from now. But we really don't have a time table for when the next move will happen or where we will go from here.
PM Addition: Tonight Clare was spunky and in a mood to kid and poke fun. Her voice had a little more inflection and sounded just a little less robotic. I also noticed dimples! It is these small things every day that make the trip to Utah County bearable. She ate better today than she has in the past so if she can keep that up the feeding tube will be able to come out. We don't know how long she can stay in this inpatient rehab facility, but we hope it can last until after she can put pressure on both legs which is about three weeks from now. But we really don't have a time table for when the next move will happen or where we will go from here.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Dog Therapy
Today was a very good day. I left early and spent most of the day with Clare and Kris. Clare worked well with her therapists and showed a sense of humor many times. She likes to smile and to make others smile.
Something new today was when the therapist and I took Clare to the piano to see what she would do. She put her hands on the keys and started playing. It sounded a little like Jonah when he plays our piano. She moved her hands along the keys and felt them as they made sound. I played a cord and asked her if it was major or minor. She correctly answered major. Then I changed the cord and she said "minor". I asked her if she could play a scale and she tried to play cords starting with C. C, D, E, F, G, . . . she was able to find most of them and even sharped some of the notes to make them correct. Pretty impressive. I turned to Silent Night in the Hymn book and asked her if she could play it. Her mind was willing but her hands are not. They just don't work well together yet. I changed keys and played the tune in the key of C to make it easier for her and then put her thumb on C and helped her play it. She fumbled a little then picked out Silent Night by ear all by her self. The therapist was impressed as she used the fingers on her RIGHT hand in a more deliberate and controlled way then she has ever shown them. He said that she needed to spend time at the piano every day.
This afternoon Amber and Victor came to visit (Kris's sister and husband) and brought Clare's dog Scout for a visit. Kris wheeled Clare outside in the sun and she held Scout for quite a long time. She loved it. Scout cleaned Clare's face several times. It was really a lot of fun.
I took time to pause today and soak in the beautiful miracle unfolding right in front of us. I have heard of Priesthood healings all my life and have witnessed some, but never anything as magnificent or steady as the healing of these two love birds. It has been constant and comforting. Through all of the difficult times there has been an undertow of peace that has helped me know that it is going to work out. We don't know how it will eventually end, but that doesn't matter so much right now. We are enjoying the journey. There is so much to be thankful and grateful for.
Something new today was when the therapist and I took Clare to the piano to see what she would do. She put her hands on the keys and started playing. It sounded a little like Jonah when he plays our piano. She moved her hands along the keys and felt them as they made sound. I played a cord and asked her if it was major or minor. She correctly answered major. Then I changed the cord and she said "minor". I asked her if she could play a scale and she tried to play cords starting with C. C, D, E, F, G, . . . she was able to find most of them and even sharped some of the notes to make them correct. Pretty impressive. I turned to Silent Night in the Hymn book and asked her if she could play it. Her mind was willing but her hands are not. They just don't work well together yet. I changed keys and played the tune in the key of C to make it easier for her and then put her thumb on C and helped her play it. She fumbled a little then picked out Silent Night by ear all by her self. The therapist was impressed as she used the fingers on her RIGHT hand in a more deliberate and controlled way then she has ever shown them. He said that she needed to spend time at the piano every day.
This afternoon Amber and Victor came to visit (Kris's sister and husband) and brought Clare's dog Scout for a visit. Kris wheeled Clare outside in the sun and she held Scout for quite a long time. She loved it. Scout cleaned Clare's face several times. It was really a lot of fun.
Today Clare was OK with not being able to remember everything. When she said "I don't remember" we would say that it is a good thing not to remember because there has been a lot of pain. She said at least once today that it is a good thing she doesn't remember. I hope she will remember this tomorrow.
Kris and Clare posed for a family picture (less Marley).
I took time to pause today and soak in the beautiful miracle unfolding right in front of us. I have heard of Priesthood healings all my life and have witnessed some, but never anything as magnificent or steady as the healing of these two love birds. It has been constant and comforting. Through all of the difficult times there has been an undertow of peace that has helped me know that it is going to work out. We don't know how it will eventually end, but that doesn't matter so much right now. We are enjoying the journey. There is so much to be thankful and grateful for.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Rebirth Déjà vu
Several weeks ago a co-worker told me that reading the blog gave her the impression of a baby chick fighting its way out of a shell. She likened the struggle to a rebirth and necessary but hard. I have watched Clare and have written about many of these challenging days as she struggles and fights with frustration to free herself from the fog that is holding her captive.
In the past week Clare has continued to make great progress but not without struggles along the way. I had no idea there were so many levels of awareness that people with brain injuries go through as they heal. When Clare was in a coma we got to know the coma scale that went from 1 to 15. Now that she is not in a coma we have been introduced to the “Rancho Los Amigoes Cognitive Scale” which goes from 1 to 8 and measures cognitive skills from “No response to pain, touch, sound or sight” (Level 1) to “Purposeful and appropriate” (Level 8). Clare is probably around a Level 5 right now. If you want to learn more about this you can go to http://www.northeastcenter.com/rancho_los_amigos_revised.htm
Clare remembers her past but seems more challenged with things that have happened the last 6 months or so. That memory seems to come and go with her agitation level. After a wonderful day of therapy and participating more than she has before, she engaged us in some conversation and during the questioning and answers she became more aware of things she did not remember. That really disturbed her and she became very distraught and tearful and kept saying “why don’t I remember?” “I can’t remember anything.” “I don’t remember you.” (Looking at me.) “I don’t remember you.” (Looking at her brother Nathan.) “I don’t remember you.” (Looking at Kris.) All the while looking scared and almost sobbing. She really does remember but when she works herself up it appears that her memory and brain go into protection/vacation mode. It is very hard for her, not to mention hard on those that are caring for her.
Clare is using her right arm more every day. The fine motor skills are not there yet but she is moving her arm. Her right leg is also moving better and transitioning from bed to wheelchair is much easier for her. It will be another 4 weeks before she can put weight on her right leg. She is also showing a sense of humor too. The other day her therapist asked her if she could tell him the goals they had set the previous day. Clare responded quickly to him that the goal was “to not have any more therapy.” The therapist said, “no that is not the goal,” and then noticed the big smile on Clare’s face and realized that she was teasing him. On another occasion Clare was scratching a lot and Kris was comforting her telling her how beautiful she was. Clare said, “even if I itch?” and Kris said “Yes you are beautiful even if you itch.” Kris went on to tell her that he scratches a lot and it is ok to itch. I asked Clare, “does that make you worry that you are ugly?” and she immediately broke into a huge smile and started shaking her head yes. Kris soon realized the joke Clare and I were sharing and we all laughed. Clare still has a quick wit and with time I am confident that she is going to be just fine.
Kris continues to receive physical therapy almost daily and is making progress. He is hoping he will be able to go back to work soon. The MRI and other tests on his heart came back good and they took the monitors back. What he really needs is to get Clare and him back to normal life. Sleeping in strange places and eating fast food can not help with recuperation.
With every advancement and progress there comes a struggle that Clare must fight through to get to the next round of challenges. We are so grateful she is making so much progress every day. It is like watching a glacier move down a mountain. It keeps moving and sometimes a big piece breaks off and we see more progress and rejoice. Most of the time the progress is ever so slight but we see it and are so thankful. It is wonderful to be witness to this miracle. I think there are many many of you that are the reason this miracle is happening. Focused faith can move mountains and in this case heal people. Thank you again.
In the past week Clare has continued to make great progress but not without struggles along the way. I had no idea there were so many levels of awareness that people with brain injuries go through as they heal. When Clare was in a coma we got to know the coma scale that went from 1 to 15. Now that she is not in a coma we have been introduced to the “Rancho Los Amigoes Cognitive Scale” which goes from 1 to 8 and measures cognitive skills from “No response to pain, touch, sound or sight” (Level 1) to “Purposeful and appropriate” (Level 8). Clare is probably around a Level 5 right now. If you want to learn more about this you can go to http://www.northeastcenter.com/rancho_los_amigos_revised.htm
Clare remembers her past but seems more challenged with things that have happened the last 6 months or so. That memory seems to come and go with her agitation level. After a wonderful day of therapy and participating more than she has before, she engaged us in some conversation and during the questioning and answers she became more aware of things she did not remember. That really disturbed her and she became very distraught and tearful and kept saying “why don’t I remember?” “I can’t remember anything.” “I don’t remember you.” (Looking at me.) “I don’t remember you.” (Looking at her brother Nathan.) “I don’t remember you.” (Looking at Kris.) All the while looking scared and almost sobbing. She really does remember but when she works herself up it appears that her memory and brain go into protection/vacation mode. It is very hard for her, not to mention hard on those that are caring for her.
Clare is using her right arm more every day. The fine motor skills are not there yet but she is moving her arm. Her right leg is also moving better and transitioning from bed to wheelchair is much easier for her. It will be another 4 weeks before she can put weight on her right leg. She is also showing a sense of humor too. The other day her therapist asked her if she could tell him the goals they had set the previous day. Clare responded quickly to him that the goal was “to not have any more therapy.” The therapist said, “no that is not the goal,” and then noticed the big smile on Clare’s face and realized that she was teasing him. On another occasion Clare was scratching a lot and Kris was comforting her telling her how beautiful she was. Clare said, “even if I itch?” and Kris said “Yes you are beautiful even if you itch.” Kris went on to tell her that he scratches a lot and it is ok to itch. I asked Clare, “does that make you worry that you are ugly?” and she immediately broke into a huge smile and started shaking her head yes. Kris soon realized the joke Clare and I were sharing and we all laughed. Clare still has a quick wit and with time I am confident that she is going to be just fine.
Kris continues to receive physical therapy almost daily and is making progress. He is hoping he will be able to go back to work soon. The MRI and other tests on his heart came back good and they took the monitors back. What he really needs is to get Clare and him back to normal life. Sleeping in strange places and eating fast food can not help with recuperation.
With every advancement and progress there comes a struggle that Clare must fight through to get to the next round of challenges. We are so grateful she is making so much progress every day. It is like watching a glacier move down a mountain. It keeps moving and sometimes a big piece breaks off and we see more progress and rejoice. Most of the time the progress is ever so slight but we see it and are so thankful. It is wonderful to be witness to this miracle. I think there are many many of you that are the reason this miracle is happening. Focused faith can move mountains and in this case heal people. Thank you again.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Calling all Golfers
The thoughtful expressions of Kris & Clare's neighbors and friends continue to humble us. I will not get specific for fear of leaving someone out, but I want to thank those that have done so much. One of the most humbling things I heard was of a lemonade stand that some children did to raise money. Clare has a bag of coins in her room along with some beautiful cards from the children wishing her well. There have also been individuals that have given, a bank account set up, gift baskets, pizza fundraiser, silent auction, and on November 5th there will be a golf tournament to raise funds to help with expenses and ongoing therapy. Wow! I didn't go golfing this year, but I am going to dust off my clubs for this event. If any of you would like to come please do. It will be a fun day and I want to meet the community that has so openly taken my daughter in under their wings.
Kris & Clarissa Olcott Golf Tournament
Sunset View Golf Course
3 miles North of Delta on Highway 6
Saturday, November 5th at 11:00am
4 man scramble, 18 holes
$50 per person, includes cart and lunch
$100 Hole Sponsor
$240 Hole Sponsor including 4 man team
Prizes and Raffles
In order to plan lunch for all that will come please call ahead and reserve your spot/team.
Golf Pro: Todd Mullin
435-864-2508
Kris & Clarissa Olcott Golf Tournament
Sunset View Golf Course
3 miles North of Delta on Highway 6
Saturday, November 5th at 11:00am
4 man scramble, 18 holes
$50 per person, includes cart and lunch
$100 Hole Sponsor
$240 Hole Sponsor including 4 man team
Prizes and Raffles
In order to plan lunch for all that will come please call ahead and reserve your spot/team.
Golf Pro: Todd Mullin
435-864-2508
Monday, October 24, 2011
Failed Surgery, but Good Things to Come
Clare's last surgery (we hope) was today. The plan was to take her blood filter out of her vein. They put the filter in after she got blood clots in her lungs to catch any other clots before they reached her lungs. She was put under for the procedure and was supposed to be done in 15 minutes. Two hours later, Kris was in the waiting room and still hadn't heard anything. It turns out the procedure took much longer than anticipated because they found a clot, so they decided the filter needed to stay. The doctor tried to reposition the filter so it wouldn't get too attached and could be removed later, but it was so firmly attached that he says it will have to stay permanently. I guess that means Clare's a faster healer than they expected-which is a good thing usually :)
She's back, a little drowsy, but doing well. They were waiting for this last surgery to remove her PICC line (her long-term IV), and she's also been eating better the last few days, so if she keeps it up they can take her PEG (feeding) tube out soon too. After that she will be tube-free!
Clare has done pretty well with physical therapy. She still can't put weight on her right leg, so she isn't walking but she stands and her right knee is bending more and with less pain. She still has irritated and confused moments when she doesn't cooperate with the therapists, but for the most part she seems to be trying her hardest.
We have always had hope she would get better. From the very first night in the emergency room when the doctors weren't sure what to tell us about either Kris or Clare, we have been comforted and somehow knew they would be okay. I still have no doubt they both have amazing things ahead of them! Here is a clip of a talk that has comforted me at times through this. It assures us that there are Good Things To Come.
p.s. In case you were wondering, I asked her and she said she is going to be a witch for Halloween! Guess we'd better start pulling together a costume for her-unless she changes her mind before then :)
She's back, a little drowsy, but doing well. They were waiting for this last surgery to remove her PICC line (her long-term IV), and she's also been eating better the last few days, so if she keeps it up they can take her PEG (feeding) tube out soon too. After that she will be tube-free!
Clare has done pretty well with physical therapy. She still can't put weight on her right leg, so she isn't walking but she stands and her right knee is bending more and with less pain. She still has irritated and confused moments when she doesn't cooperate with the therapists, but for the most part she seems to be trying her hardest.
We have always had hope she would get better. From the very first night in the emergency room when the doctors weren't sure what to tell us about either Kris or Clare, we have been comforted and somehow knew they would be okay. I still have no doubt they both have amazing things ahead of them! Here is a clip of a talk that has comforted me at times through this. It assures us that there are Good Things To Come.
p.s. In case you were wondering, I asked her and she said she is going to be a witch for Halloween! Guess we'd better start pulling together a costume for her-unless she changes her mind before then :)
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Nine Weeks
Nine weeks. Looking back so much has happened. Last month we got excited when a finger moved on command. Now we get excited when she does something new with her mind. When we arrived last night and came into the room, Clare was not alone. Hospital beds are barely large enough to hold one person but somehow Kris had climbed in with Clare and they were snuggling and snoozing under a blanket. I suppose that if you are going to share a single bed you should be newlyweds. I hope they remember that there is a camera above them and the nurse’s station is watching.
Clare was the most interactive and responsive we have seen her. Not only did she answer questions, but she asked questions and spoke in complete sentences. At one point she teased her little brother Jonah with different things that she hoped would get a response from him. When we said things that were humorous, she smiled big and she looked happy and very natural. The big thing for me was watching her change from just responding to interacting and initiating conversation.
The battle of the week is nausea. Clare gets an upset stomach quite often which impacts what she feels well enough to do.
Most of the time we spend with her is sitting in a quiet room. She wakes and sleeps, in and out all the time. When she is awake we get a few minutes of interaction, but really try not to over stimulate her. She gets all she can handle in therapy. She is doing incredibly well. Every day there is improvement and we are so grateful for every little blessing.
Today in physical therapy she kept saying, “I want to go home.” She got mad at the kind therapist and loudly told her to stop and that she wanted to go home. She is starting to show some pushback to being here. This afternoon it was more difficult. She would not be consoled. If she was in bed she wanted to be in her chair. If she was in her chair she wanted to be in bed. She wanted to dance, to get on the floor, to leave, to go to the bathroom. . . . There was no comforting her. She is now so mobile that she can’t be left alone for her own safety. They did say that this stage would happen.
She is schedule for another surgical procedure Monday. They will remove the filter from her vein that has been catching clots. They put it in before her pelvis surgery and when she could not have blood thinners. Now that she can have blood thinners, they will remove the filter before it becomes permanently attached.
Clare was the most interactive and responsive we have seen her. Not only did she answer questions, but she asked questions and spoke in complete sentences. At one point she teased her little brother Jonah with different things that she hoped would get a response from him. When we said things that were humorous, she smiled big and she looked happy and very natural. The big thing for me was watching her change from just responding to interacting and initiating conversation.
The battle of the week is nausea. Clare gets an upset stomach quite often which impacts what she feels well enough to do.
Most of the time we spend with her is sitting in a quiet room. She wakes and sleeps, in and out all the time. When she is awake we get a few minutes of interaction, but really try not to over stimulate her. She gets all she can handle in therapy. She is doing incredibly well. Every day there is improvement and we are so grateful for every little blessing.
Today in physical therapy she kept saying, “I want to go home.” She got mad at the kind therapist and loudly told her to stop and that she wanted to go home. She is starting to show some pushback to being here. This afternoon it was more difficult. She would not be consoled. If she was in bed she wanted to be in her chair. If she was in her chair she wanted to be in bed. She wanted to dance, to get on the floor, to leave, to go to the bathroom. . . . There was no comforting her. She is now so mobile that she can’t be left alone for her own safety. They did say that this stage would happen.
She is schedule for another surgical procedure Monday. They will remove the filter from her vein that has been catching clots. They put it in before her pelvis surgery and when she could not have blood thinners. Now that she can have blood thinners, they will remove the filter before it becomes permanently attached.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Scrap Metal
Yesterday was a great day! The fixators were finally removed. The procedure was quick and went very well. Clare recovered fast, and after she woke up had a very nice lunch. It was so good to see her eat. Kris bribed her with a chocolate malt...if she finished most of her lunch, then he would buy her a malt, AND HE DID! (If you come to visit Clare, take a minute and go to the hospital grill, they make the best shakes and malts. An Oreo malt is Clark's favorite, and Clare really enjoyed both the Oreo flavor and chocolate flavor. You will have to vote on your favorite!)Our next big goal is to get Clare eating enough that they can discontinue feeding her through the feeding tube. It would be nice to get her pick line and feeding tube out.
Clare is working hard at her therapies, and the Social Worker indicated that Occupational Therapy is her favorite. For all of us that know Clare well, that is no surprise. They have her working on the computer and moving arrow keys or the mouse in order to identify spacial relationships.
Today at Physical Therapy, Clare was making tons of progress. Without the fixators in, the therapist could have her roll from side to side. Kris said that she was doing really well, and loving it. Clare is improving everyday.
During this recovery, it has given me a chance to see Clare and Kris together. It is very obvious that Kris is devoted to Clare. He is very loving and patient with her through the good moments and the bad. It is just as obvious that Clare loves and counts on Kris too.
This process of healing is unlike anything that we expected. It is long and gruelling. We are just beginning with the intense rehabilitation period, and expect that we will be in this new facility for at least a month.
Kris and the medical staff are working hard at helping Clare make new connections for her short memory. We know that the long term memory has come through intact. She remembers everything from her early childhood and into her married life. But, she doesn't always remember where she is or the current day. We need to repeat things frequently. We ask her the same questions over and over. Repetition is the best way to help all of those connections reform.
Kris is continuing to recover too. He has been experiencing heart arrhythmia. His heart will start to race, and he will experience some chest pain. The episodes happen multiple times a day and last for about 15 minutes each. Yesterday, he was given a heart monitor that he will have to wear for a month. The doctors want to have a good grasp on what is happening with his heart. He has a doctors appointment tomorrow, hopefully we'll learn more then.
We continue to hear about the thoughts and prayers that go out to Kris and Clare. Thank you for all the continued interest and support. This is going to be a long process, but I have the highest hope that both of these kids will recover. I believe that this experience will strengthen their relationship, and prepare them for a long and happy life together.
A side note about the fixators...Kris wanted to keep them to show Clare someday. Kris joked that he is collecting scrap metal for recycling$$$. ;o)
Clare is working hard at her therapies, and the Social Worker indicated that Occupational Therapy is her favorite. For all of us that know Clare well, that is no surprise. They have her working on the computer and moving arrow keys or the mouse in order to identify spacial relationships.
Today at Physical Therapy, Clare was making tons of progress. Without the fixators in, the therapist could have her roll from side to side. Kris said that she was doing really well, and loving it. Clare is improving everyday.
During this recovery, it has given me a chance to see Clare and Kris together. It is very obvious that Kris is devoted to Clare. He is very loving and patient with her through the good moments and the bad. It is just as obvious that Clare loves and counts on Kris too.
This process of healing is unlike anything that we expected. It is long and gruelling. We are just beginning with the intense rehabilitation period, and expect that we will be in this new facility for at least a month.
Kris and the medical staff are working hard at helping Clare make new connections for her short memory. We know that the long term memory has come through intact. She remembers everything from her early childhood and into her married life. But, she doesn't always remember where she is or the current day. We need to repeat things frequently. We ask her the same questions over and over. Repetition is the best way to help all of those connections reform.
Kris is continuing to recover too. He has been experiencing heart arrhythmia. His heart will start to race, and he will experience some chest pain. The episodes happen multiple times a day and last for about 15 minutes each. Yesterday, he was given a heart monitor that he will have to wear for a month. The doctors want to have a good grasp on what is happening with his heart. He has a doctors appointment tomorrow, hopefully we'll learn more then.
We continue to hear about the thoughts and prayers that go out to Kris and Clare. Thank you for all the continued interest and support. This is going to be a long process, but I have the highest hope that both of these kids will recover. I believe that this experience will strengthen their relationship, and prepare them for a long and happy life together.
A side note about the fixators...Kris wanted to keep them to show Clare someday. Kris joked that he is collecting scrap metal for recycling$$$. ;o)
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, the day of rest
Today Kris and Clare had a good day together. A peaceful day with no interruptions by therapists. A singing group came to the floor and some priesthood members came by and administered the Sacrament to them in her room.
This evening we went down to visit. Annette and I took Jonah to the rec room / dining area on the floor and let Whitney and Jazlyn visit with Clare and Kris first. Annette and Kris then helped Clare shower and then wheeled her out to the rec room to visit with us all. Clare's cousin and husband had come and were in the big room when Clare wheeled in. It was a large group and I wondered how long Clare would handle it. We all behaved ourselves, trying to talk one at a time and directing our talk to Clare and not too much to each other. Clare handled it very well. This time Jonah gave her a kiss and held her hand. That made Clare happy and her smile today was the most natural looking that we have seen.
Her new nurse for the night shift came over and introduced herself. She seemed a bit leery of us and sat and observed what was going on for several minutes until she was satisfied that Clare was handling it alright. As the nurse started to leave I asked Clare what her nurse's name was and she responded, "Jo." Jo was impressed. I then asked Clare the square root of 25 and she said, "5" with little hesitation.
I can see that our Clare is in there. The miracle that so many of us are praying for is happening every day and will most likely continue to happen over the coming months. Clare looks better each day. How simply wonderful little blessings and progress are. And it is also wonderful to be able to feel truely grateful for each and every little thing.
This evening we went down to visit. Annette and I took Jonah to the rec room / dining area on the floor and let Whitney and Jazlyn visit with Clare and Kris first. Annette and Kris then helped Clare shower and then wheeled her out to the rec room to visit with us all. Clare's cousin and husband had come and were in the big room when Clare wheeled in. It was a large group and I wondered how long Clare would handle it. We all behaved ourselves, trying to talk one at a time and directing our talk to Clare and not too much to each other. Clare handled it very well. This time Jonah gave her a kiss and held her hand. That made Clare happy and her smile today was the most natural looking that we have seen.
Her new nurse for the night shift came over and introduced herself. She seemed a bit leery of us and sat and observed what was going on for several minutes until she was satisfied that Clare was handling it alright. As the nurse started to leave I asked Clare what her nurse's name was and she responded, "Jo." Jo was impressed. I then asked Clare the square root of 25 and she said, "5" with little hesitation.
I can see that our Clare is in there. The miracle that so many of us are praying for is happening every day and will most likely continue to happen over the coming months. Clare looks better each day. How simply wonderful little blessings and progress are. And it is also wonderful to be able to feel truely grateful for each and every little thing.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
What did you get done today?
Today is my first time spending the day with Clare in her new place. The weekend crew is different than the weekday crew and she is not familiar with them. She does not like unfamiliar things.
Clare and I sang a song together today. In reality I sang and she filled in a word here and there. We will need to work on this a bit more but she seemed to enjoy doing this with me. Clare tires quickly and she needs to rest. Her Saturday schedule went like this.
7:30 wake and get going
8:00 breakfast
9:00 transition from bed to wheelchair and prepare for
9:30 Occupational Therapy
10:15 Physical Therapy
11:30 Rest/nap
12:00 Lunch- quiet sleepy lunch. She does not eat if their are distractions
1:00 Speech Therapy
2:00 Physical Therapy
3:00 Free time/Nap, we took a stroll outside
5:15 Dinner
8:00 Prepare for sleep
9:00 Lights out
It takes a lot of work moving from one activity to the next and if she gets nausiated or needs to go the toilet it takes a lot longer. It is a busy day and very tiring for her so when she gets a few minutes between things she needs to rest. She handles visiting with one or two people OK, but she does not like a lot of talking.
During speech therapy this morning Clare pushed herself away from the computer and looked very scared and asked, "Am I getting better?" We assured her that she was getting better every day. I don't know if she completely believed us. She doesn't remember everything from day to day so every day she has to re-discover her condition and deal with it. I cant imagine what she is going through.
Kris needed to run back home to get their lama back in the yard and try to figure how he keeps getting out.
Clare and I sang a song together today. In reality I sang and she filled in a word here and there. We will need to work on this a bit more but she seemed to enjoy doing this with me. Clare tires quickly and she needs to rest. Her Saturday schedule went like this.
7:30 wake and get going
8:00 breakfast
9:00 transition from bed to wheelchair and prepare for
9:30 Occupational Therapy
10:15 Physical Therapy
11:30 Rest/nap
12:00 Lunch- quiet sleepy lunch. She does not eat if their are distractions
1:00 Speech Therapy
2:00 Physical Therapy
3:00 Free time/Nap, we took a stroll outside
5:15 Dinner
8:00 Prepare for sleep
9:00 Lights out
It takes a lot of work moving from one activity to the next and if she gets nausiated or needs to go the toilet it takes a lot longer. It is a busy day and very tiring for her so when she gets a few minutes between things she needs to rest. She handles visiting with one or two people OK, but she does not like a lot of talking.
During speech therapy this morning Clare pushed herself away from the computer and looked very scared and asked, "Am I getting better?" We assured her that she was getting better every day. I don't know if she completely believed us. She doesn't remember everything from day to day so every day she has to re-discover her condition and deal with it. I cant imagine what she is going through.
Kris needed to run back home to get their lama back in the yard and try to figure how he keeps getting out.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Grateful
A couple of weeks before the accident I gave a talk in church on being grateful for the things you have and in finding pleasure and peace with the things that are given to you. I had thought long and deep on the subject and found myself feeling very grateful and satisfied with everything that I am blessed with. Fast forward several weeks. This message of love and gratitude is what has sustained me. I find myself genuinely happy when Clare is able to move a finger or toe. These small things are what has kept my hope and faith alive. I have never felt like Clare would not get better. Sometimes I did feel like I was disconnected from reality and I knew that if I allowed myself to look at things too logically it may cause me to lose hope. I could not do that so I chose to drift in a self imposed state that did not fully recognize reality.
When Clare and Kris were both so serious that some felt they may not live, we could not dwell on this thought. We could not mourn or grieve either. Grieving would mean that we had lost hope and we could not give up on them. There were times when I hurt so bad that I felt that it would have been easier to mourn the loss of a child then to be stuck in this in-between state where you can not start the healing process and there is no end in sight for when resolution will come. The spiritual strength that we feel from many of you is what keeps us going. Thank you.
This blog has been a lifesaving force very literally for Kris and Clare and for the Mabey and Olcott families. Thank you for every kind word, thought, deed and prayer on our behalf. Clare and Kris are both healing. Clare’s mind appears to be intact. It will be a long road, but we are now on that road. How thankful I am that we are on that road.
Tonight Annette asked Clare what on her dinner tray she wanted to eat. After looking over her choices Clare said, “mandarin oranges”. I have never been so grateful for mandarin oranges than I was tonight. Who would have thought?
When Clare and Kris were both so serious that some felt they may not live, we could not dwell on this thought. We could not mourn or grieve either. Grieving would mean that we had lost hope and we could not give up on them. There were times when I hurt so bad that I felt that it would have been easier to mourn the loss of a child then to be stuck in this in-between state where you can not start the healing process and there is no end in sight for when resolution will come. The spiritual strength that we feel from many of you is what keeps us going. Thank you.
This blog has been a lifesaving force very literally for Kris and Clare and for the Mabey and Olcott families. Thank you for every kind word, thought, deed and prayer on our behalf. Clare and Kris are both healing. Clare’s mind appears to be intact. It will be a long road, but we are now on that road. How thankful I am that we are on that road.
Tonight Annette asked Clare what on her dinner tray she wanted to eat. After looking over her choices Clare said, “mandarin oranges”. I have never been so grateful for mandarin oranges than I was tonight. Who would have thought?
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